


Windy days

by EllaMelody



Category: BTOB, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Feels, Happy Ending, M/M, Relationship(s), Unusual couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 14:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaMelody/pseuds/EllaMelody
Summary: ”Suga wrote a song?” Eunkwang said in surprise.“Yeah, didn’t he show it to you? It’s really good!” V gave him a beaming smile.“No… I haven’t met him in a while so…” Eunkwang lied, trying his best to hide the disappointment in his voice.“Oh, well, I’m sure he’ll play it for you the next time you see him”, V continued still smiling. “It’s really romantic. It’s all about meeting someone really beautiful and falling in love all over again. Going from empty I think he called it. Hey, maybe it’s about you hyung?”“Maybe” said Eunkwang and forced a smile. Somehow he doubted it…Suga and Eunkwang have been dating happily for a long time, but then things start falling apart...





	Windy days

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because it was the most strange couple I could think of and I wanted to see if I could somehow make it work. Had to think for a long time but eventually things fell into place.

”Suga wrote a song?” Eunkwang said in surprise.   
“Yeah, didn’t he show it to you? It’s really good!” V gave him a beaming smile.   
“No… I haven’t met him in a while so…” Eunkwang lied, trying his best to hide the disappointment in his voice.   
“Oh, well, I’m sure he’ll play it for you the next time you see him”, V continued still smiling. “It’s really romantic. It’s all about meeting someone really beautiful and falling in love all over again. _Going from empty_ I think he called it. Hey, maybe it’s about you hyung?”   
“Maybe” said Eunkwang and forced a smile. Somehow he doubted it…

The first time they met it hadn’t been like fireworks and getting struck by lightning. In fact it’d been quite comical. Eunkwang had often said their meeting was a clear proof that God had a sense of humor. Suga had always slapped his head for saying that. Eunkwang couldn’t blame him. And to be fair he did say it mostly to tease Suga anyway. Still it warmed his heart remembering that windy day.   
BTOB had had a photo shoot outside. The sun had been behind clouds the entire morning, but that was only a good thing. Low and concentrated lighting fit the concept well and the wind added a dramatic feel to the pictures. The members took individual shots, shots in pairs and group shots. After lunch they’d be changing clothes again and then taking more photos all afternoon. Eunkwang was tired already, but he was trying not to show it. Photo shoots weren’t really his thing, but he wanted to show a happy face to cheer on his members. At least the location was nice.   
They were in the middle of a big field, with knee-high grass stretching out in all directions. The cloudy sky seemed to reach all the way down to the ground, the horizon blurred by bluish-gray fog. If it hadn’t been for the big white tents that were put up all along the field, Eunkwang could have sworn he’d been transported into some mystical fairytale kingdom. With this kind of background, the pictures couldn’t be anything other than good.   
Lunchtime came, the skies cleared up, and the sun started shining. At first Eunkwang got worried but the photographer looked very excited and so he figured it would be okay. They sat down inside one of the tents, and just as they were about to start eating, they could hear cars approaching. The manager went out to check what was going on. Apparently another idol group was using the location as well. This wasn’t unusual. Once a great location had been found, it was more practical to share. As long as you used different angles and themes, nobody would be able to tell that it was the same place. The other group was going to use the road and forest nearby as a backdrop to the fields, and so it wouldn’t be an issue.   
The members kept eating, too tired to care much about the newcomers. It wasn’t a group they knew anyway. Food was more important than random rookies. Their lunch disappeared in minutes and soon they were roaming around the fields, waiting for the lighting crew to adjust the equipment to the new conditions. While the other members were playing games and chasing each other around in the grass, Eunkwang found himself drawn to the other side of the tents. He was the group’s leader and perhaps it would be wise to go over there and say hello. He could hear the familiar sound of a camera smattering and someone yelling out instructions on poses.   
As Eunkwang rounded the corner of the tent, he saw the silhouette of a girl standing as if she was floating on top of the grass. Her lean, pale body was covered from the knees up by a dress in a delicate rosy fabric, and her hair shimmered golden in the sun. The wind was making her skirt and hair flow softly behind her, and her hands were clinging to her hips as if she was afraid that the skirt would blow up and reveal too much.   
“Lift your arms up!” the photographer kept shouting. “The wind isn’t that strong! You’ll be fine!”   
The girl made an attempt at a relaxed pose, but her smile seemed awkward and forced. Then her arms quickly reached down and clung to the skirt again.   
Eunkwang watched her blush in the sunlight. She was really pretty. Those pale skinny arms and legs, the smoothness of her cheeks and the long flowing hair. If he’d liked girls this image would have probably made him fall completely for her. There was a box in the grass he realized, and she was standing on it with bare feet. Her blushing face looked so cute and vulnerable. But the photographer kept shouting:   
“Lift your arms! The skirt will be fine!”   
Suddenly the girls face and posture changed.   
“That’s easy for you to say!” she shouted with a voice that made it very clear that _she_ was in fact a _he_. “You’re not the one standing up here half naked!”   
The crowd around the photographer giggled and even the photographer seemed to smile. Eunkwang smiled as well, even though the surprise left him slightly puzzled. That must be one pretty boy for him to pull off cross-dressing that well. Of course wearing that kind of thin, flowing skirt must feel awkward for a man. Still, shouting at the photographer might not be the best way to handle the situation. And yet the giggles of the crowd only seemed to agitate him even more. He kept shouting:   
“Why am I the one doing this anyway? You all know I hate this kind of stuff! Why can’t the maknae do it?!”   
“I didn’t lose the bet, did I?” a boy from the crowd shouted, and the rest of the crowd laughed, as the crossdresser’s face twisted into an embarrassed whine. Eunkwang laughed too, even though he silently thought that if any of his members had acted out in that way he would have done something quickly to relieve the tension. As Suga made one last attempt to complete the photo shoot, Eunkwang went back to his side of the tent, figuring it was best not to disturb them. The photo shoot started again and Eunkwang soon forgot all about the pretty boy with the temper.

Of course they had met again after that. Eunkwang had gotten to know the person behind the dress and wig, and somehow they had ended up dating. A lot of time had passed, and now Eunkwang and Suga had been going out for more than two years. Many had wondered at the strange couple, who at first sight seem not to match well at all. Eunkwang would cling to Suga, and Suga would push him away. Eunkwang would praise Suga, who would blush and call Eunkwang an ugly old man, but Eunkwang would just laugh. This was the side that others saw. When they were alone however, Suga could be both sweet and tender. He could give simple compliments and make them feel like the greatest love songs, because he really meant them. He could give the most honest and loving looks and touches. When Eunkwang was with Suga he knew he was loved. One look or one small motion was enough. No need to embarrass Suga further by pushing him into making grand plans or romantic gestures. To Eunkwang it was already clear.   
The only thing that bothered him was how others might misunderstand or blame Suga for being cold. He had seen the looks people gave him when they heard Suga calling him ugly. As if Eunkwang would care about that; his members called him ugly all the time. In fact, being called handsome just made him suspicious. Of course other people couldn’t know this. They couldn’t know that Suga would always make sure he got home safe after work, even if he was really busy working himself. They didn’t know that every time Suga had started on a new song he would show it to Eunkwang first, even before his own members. They heard how Suga avoided him every time he tried to make plans for Valentine’s day, their anniversary or Christmas. But they didn’t see when Eunkwang finally got Suga to celebrate with him, and it turned out Suga had been buying and hoarding lots of small presents for him during the past month, just too shy to give any away. Overall they just saw one side of the relationship, and even though Suga swore he didn’t care, Eunkwang couldn’t help but feel that it was unfair.

They only saw one side. Maybe that was also why they didn’t notice when things started to change. Suddenly Suga would be too busy to call or even text. He would be working all night in the studio as usual, and of course Eunkwang would be right there beside him as often as he could. But Suga didn’t talk to him as much as he usually did. Instead he would be focused and wear his headphones all the time. Sometimes he would show Eunkwang a part, but only after Eunkwang kept nudging his shoulder and bothering him. The skinship had stopped, at least from Suga’s side. No more kisses or hugs or even small touches or looks. Definitely no more sex. Sometimes Eunkwang would get a small peck on the cheek as they said goodbye, but it mostly seemed to be for show. It was like Suga was wrapped in his own bubble and Eunkwang could just stand beside him and watch as he drifted further and further away.   
Still he swore that nothing was wrong. Eunkwang had tried to ask him. He had even tried to ask the members. Rapmon and Jimin both said that Suga had just been busier lately, and that it was natural that he’d get more introverted when he was tired; that was just his way. And so Eunkwang didn’t push it. He tried to give Suga the distance he needed. When that didn’t work he tried to remind Suga of the good times they had spent together. He even dug out those old pictures of Suga in drag. They’d never been published, but Jin had given him copies. He showed them to Suga, trying to make him laugh, but it only made Suga angry and started one of their biggest fights so far.   
“Why do you always have to try and embarrass me?!” Suga had shouted, and Eunkwang had tried to defend himself saying that looking back on fun times wasn’t trying to embarrass someone; it was sharing memories.   
“Why do we have to live in the past?!” Suga had then protested. “All you talk about these days are memories, and what we’ve done before! But this is now! I live in the now! Things always change! Why should we keep looking back all the time?”   
“Maybe because now things aren’t as good?!” Eunkwang had finally blurted out, now angry too.   
“What do you mean things aren’t as good?” Suga said finally seeming concerned.   
“You never spend any time with me anymore. It’s like you don’t even care”, Eunkwang said, feeling tears creeping up as the truth finally came out.   
“What do you mean I don’t spend any time with you?” Suga said, looking annoyed and confused. “You’re with me in the studio all the time. I spend more time with you than with anyone else, besides my members.”   
“Yes, but it’s like you don’t even see me when I’m there!” Eunkwang said, voice shaking a little now.   
“This again?!” Suga said, now seeming angry. “I work while I’m in the studio. I don’t go there to mess around!”   
“I know that!” said Eunkwang.   
“Then you also know how important that work is to me”, said Suga still angry.   
“Yes, I just wish you’d show me that I was important too”, Eunkwang said, now with tears threatening to break out at any second.   
“Oh, well, I’m sorry I don’t fit into your romantic dream of a boyfriend”, Suga said, now sounding both angry and hurt. “You know me. You know I’m not that romantic kind of guy.”   
“I know…” said Eunkwang desperately.   
“Then why are you trying to force me into it?!” said Suga, anger making his entire body shake. “Ever think that maybe what you’re doing is making me feel like _you_ don’t like _me_? Like I’m not good enough the way I am? Well, fuck you!”   
Before Eunkwang could say anything more, Suga had stormed off. After that, Eunkwang had locked himself in the bathroom and cried for almost an hour. When he finally came out, he had met Ilhoon, who had given him a worried look and asked if something was wrong. He didn’t want to worry anyone so he told everyone he was constipated, and got teased for that the rest of the evening.   
The next day he had texted Suga and asked to be forgiven, and Suga had texted back and said that he was. But things didn’t improve. They only got worse. Suga seemed to have even less time for him.

And now Suga had apparently written a love song about someone beautiful without even telling Eunkwang about it. V had said it might be about him, but seeing as Suga never complimented his looks, he seriously doubted it. Suga had made it pretty clear even from the start that he wasn’t dating Eunkwang because of his looks. This had never really bothered Eunkwang before, but now it burnt in his chest, making him feel sick inside. Could Suga have met someone new?   
The thought lingered in his mind for the next few days, and suddenly he saw the signs he hadn’t before. Hushed voices sometimes when Suga talked to his members or manager; Secret phone calls which meant Suga had to leave the room; Suga laughing and joking with certain backup dancers in a way that seemed very unlike him. Eunkwang didn’t know what to do. What if it really was true? Was it one of the dancers? Eunkwang would never be able to compete with a body like that. And Suga had always seemed to fit better with someone younger; someone he could easily boss around. Someone that was less annoying and troublesome; that didn’t get in his way as much as Eunkwang did. Someone more quiet and distant, that could leave him alone when he was busy.   
What bothered Eunkwang most was that the song had been about love. That’s what V had said; it was about falling in love all over again. If it’d only been about sex then Eunkwang could have understood; he could have accepted it. A dancer’s body versus Eunkwang’s skinny, ugly ass. It was a painful truth, but he could understand. But love! How could it be love? How would he be able to accept Suga leaving him like that; sharing their special bond with someone else; someone new? It was enough to make his insides twist into knots. He felt sick, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Suga would never tell him the truth. If he asked him it would only drive Suga further away. And so all he could do was watch and wait and hope in vain that Suga would change his mind and come back to him.

That weekend BTS were leaving Seoul for Japan. Concerts and promotion all weekend, back to Korea on Monday, working all week, and then back to Japan again the next weekend. It was a hectic schedule, so when Eunkwang called Suga on Thurday and asked if he could come by the studio, he shouldn’t have been surprised when Suga turned him down. He was leaving early the next day and had a lot of last minute work to finish, he said. He needed to be alone so he could concentrate and get it done as fast as possible.   
“But you’ll be gone all weekend”, Eunkwang whined, more hurt than he wanted to admit. “This is the last chance we have of seeing each other for several days.”   
“I know”, Suga sighed. “I really wish I had more time, but I can’t change the schedule. It is the way it is.”   
“Then will you call me from Japan?” Eunkwang asked, using some awful aegyo to not show Suga how hurt he really was.   
“I don’t think I’ll have time”, Suga said, ignoring the aegyo. “Maybe we can meet next week. I’ll try to make time for it okay?”   
“ _Maybe_ next week?!” Eunkwang burst out, now unable to hide his disappointment. “Are you saying we might not see each other for almost two weeks?!”   
“What do you want me to do?” Suga answered, now getting annoyed. “I’m not a magician. I’m not Harry Potter. I can’t magically solve everything.”   
“Neither could Harry Potter”, Eunkwang couldn’t help but interject. Hearing Suga’s annoyed sigh he cursed himself. Why couldn’t he ever keep his mouth shut? Why did he always have to try and joke when things got too serious? Suga seemed to swallow his anger though, and answered in a voice that was more controlled, and almost sounded kind and caring:   
“I’ll make sure we can see each other next week okay? I’ll do everything I can”.   
“Promise?” Eunkwang said, trying to help by using a kind voice also.   
“I promise”, Suga said as if talking to a child. Eunkwang heard voices in the background and suddenly Suga added:   
“I have to go now. Love you, bye!” and then he was gone.   
Eunkwang stood there staring at the phone for a long time, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Hadn’t he said he needed to be alone to work? And then who had those voices belonged to? He wasn’t alone at all. He was just avoiding Eunkwang. Again.  
And now he was going away to Japan all weekend. With the handsome dancer. All Eunkwang could hope for was that Suga would be too busy with work, and too surrounded by people, to get a chance to cheat.   
Suga had said that he’d be busy all weekend and wouldn’t have time to call, so Eunkwang was forced to just wait around and hope for the best. He tried to keep busy too, playing with the members, practicing, working out, meeting friends, but by Saturday evening he was climbing the walls, no longer able to contain his worries. He locked himself in, trying not to worry the members, and dialed his phone. He wouldn’t be able to call Suga of course, but V would probably answer. And after only a few signals he did:   
“Hyung? What’s up?” V shouted loudly trying to make himself heard over the loud music playing in the background.   
“Hello”, Eunkwang said, trying to sound as casual and cheerful as possible.   
“Hyung, I can’t hear you very well”, V shouted. “We’re at a party. A par-ty!” he repeated, clearly barely hearing himself talking.   
“That-sounds-fun!” Eunkwang shouted back. “Are you all at the party? All the members and the staff?”   
“Hyung, it’s so much fun!” V shouted, obviously enjoying himself. “I think everyone is here. Let me check…” Muffled sounds could be heard as V seemed to cover the receiver with his hand, possibly while scanning the room for people he knew.   
“There are so many people here hyung!” he finally shouted as he returned to the phone call. “So many Japanese people! It’s so much fun!”   
“So everyone is there?!” Eunkwang shouted.   
“Yeah! We’re all partying together!” V shouted happily. “Jimin keeps talking to the Japanese girls in Korean. It’s really funny!”   
“I’m glad you’re having fun!” Eunkwang shouted, and hoped that V couldn’t detect the bitterness in his voice.   
“Of course Suga isn’t here though”, V shouted. “He’s up in his room working.”   
Eunkwang’s heart skipped a beat. So Suga hadn’t lied; he really was busy working.   
“But don’t worry hyung,” V continued to shout. “Some of the staff is with him so he isn’t alone.”   
“Some of the staff?” Eunkwang asked, now feeling his heart sink again.   
“Yeah, I think one of the dancers…” V trailed off. “Hyung, this is an international call! It will be really expensive. Let’s hang up and talk more when we get back to Korea, okay? Bye bye~!”   
And then V was gone. Once again Eunkwang was left staring at his phone. One of the dancers, V had said. One of the dancers… Eunkwang’s heart was pounding. Was Suga using this time without staff and members, to fool around with the hot dancer? How could he stop it? Was there anything he could do? If he called Suga now, it would probably just make him angry and Eunkwang would be driving him even further away, possibly into the arms of some hot dancer just waiting to take his place. But if he did nothing he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. In the end he decided to send a text: _I miss you <3\. _Simple yet maybe enough to remind Suga of the special bond they shared. He sat on pins and needles for the longest time after that, but Suga never replied.

The next day was a blur. He’d barely slept all night, and everything seemed so complicated and difficult. He tried to keep a smile on his face, but he could tell that the members were giving him worried glances. In the afternoon Hyunsik came by and handed him a brown paper bag.   
“It’s a good medicine against constipation”, he said quietly. “Drink it and get better.” And then he left without another word.   
So that’s what they were thinking. He noticed their whispered conversations around the dorm, and several members offered to go running with him. Minhyuk even dared to add that running had many “positive effects on your health” with a knowing look.   
When the evening came and the members started going to bed, Eunkwang was almost relieved to get rid of them. It surprised him because usually he loved having them around. But after all the glances and subtle references to his bowel movements, it was nice to get the room to himself. As the rest of the members disappear, Eunkwang sat alone in the sofa, not wanting to go to bed. Instead he snuggled up with a blanket wrapped around him, and tried to forget everything that had happened in the past few months. He thought about Suga, about their first dates, about his birthday when Suga had given him a necklace with a bird. He had explained that it was a songbird, meant to bring him success in his career. Suga had told him that his singing always touched him and he hoped Eunkwang would never stop singing and stirring up his emotions in that way. It’d been one of those rare moments when Suga showed himself completely open and vulnerable, staring into Eunkwang’s eyes with sincerity and so much love it made Eunkwang blush. After that they’d kissed, and then Suga had gone back to being self-conscious and embarrassed again. But Eunkwang hadn’t cared. He knew what Suga felt and trusted him to stick around. He was fine being the one embarrassing himself, because he knew Suga loved him back. But now…   
The phone rang in the middle of the night, waking Eunkwang from his half sleep. He picked it up and answered with a barely comprehensible voice.   
“It’s me”, he heard Suga whispering at the other end.   
“Oh.” Eunkwang didn’t really know what else to say.   
“I’m sorry if I woke you up”, Suga said.   
“It’s okay”, Eunkwang whispered back, trying not to wake anyone.   
“I was just thinking…” Suga trailed off. “I was just…” he tried again. “The thing is…”   
Eunkwang waited quietly.   
“I just wanted to hear your voice I guess,” Suga said finally. “Things have been happening here, and I came to think of you and… and I guess I missed you.”  
“Are you drunk?” Eunkwang had to ask, because this wasn’t really how Suga normally talked.   
“What?” Suga said a little too loudly, only remembering to be quiet afterwards. “Why’d you ask that?” he whispered.   
“Because you sound drunk”, Eunkwang answered.   
“Hm maybe”, Suga said. “I just thought… well I shouldn’t be calling, but I just felt, like, lost, I felt so lost. I guess I needed you to make sense of it. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of all of this. Hyung, help me.”   
Yup, he was definitely drunk. He would never call Eunkwang hyung unless he had downed at least 2 soju bottles.   
“Help you with what?” Eunkwang said. “What is it you want?”   
“I don’t know, I just…” Suga was getting less and less understandable. Maybe he had given up on trying to hide how drunk he was. “I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. This is all too much for me to deal with. And you! You deserve better than this. I mess up so much. I messed up. I’m sorry. I know it’s bad. I’ll make it up to you I promise. Next week. I’ll make it up to you.”   
What was Suga apologizing for? What was he confessing? Had he crossed the line with that dancer? Was that what he was regretting? And could Eunkwang really forgive him for that? Just forgive, forget and move on? Pretend like nothing had happened? Like he never knew what Suga had done? No, he couldn’t, not without knowing first.   
“What did you do?!” Eunkwang said forcefully.   
“Oh, let’s not talk about that now”, Suga mumbled. “I’m drunk you know. You’ll just get angry with me. Let’s talk about it next week. Yeah, we should talk about it then. Then everything will be better. Yes, it will work out. I think…I think that it will. Thank you for talking to me. Sorry for waking you up. I’ll see you next week. Bye.”   
Eunkwang heard the phone beep as Suga hung up. His emotions were flying all over the place. Suga had more or less confessed to cheating on him; after getting drunk. And now he wanted to be forgiven. Eunkwang didn’t know if he could do that. He’d always thought that he was the forgiving type but now he wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t about love was it? It was about trust. Eunkwang always loved with wholehearted devotion. But what did that matter if he’d never be able to trust Suga again? And even if he’d forgive Suga, would Suga even want his forgiveness once he sobered up? Maybe the phone call was just an early panic attack over this big change. Suga didn’t really like change; he wanted things to stay pretty much the same, so he could relax and keep away from new people. But the song had been about falling in love again. If he really did love this dancer then he wouldn’t want Eunkwang back once he’d sobered up. And even if he did, it wouldn’t be because he loved Eunkwang; it’d just be out of habit, because it felt safe and convenient. Could Eunkwang keep pouring his love over Suga, knowing that in his heart Suga loved someone else?   
As Eunkwang twisted and turned on the sofa, dark thoughts occupied his mind, making any kind of peaceful sleep impossible. He had work in the morning too. This week was going to be the worst.

As the days passed by, the members seemed to become more and more concerned with his health. Their whispering was driving him crazy, and by Tuesday evening he’d had enough.   
“I’m not constipated okay?!” he yelled at them. “I’m fine! So just leave me alone!” As the members stared at him with wide eyes, he stormed off, left the apartment and just kept walking until he got scared of getting lost and forced himself to turn around.   
As he approached the dorm again, suddenly he felt bad. It wasn’t often he yelled at the members like that. He rarely got angry at all. They must be freaking out so much right now. And none of it was their fault. It had nothing to do with them. They’d just been kind enough to try and help him out. Maybe he should buy them some food as an apology. He decided to take a detour and buy some snacks and drinks as well. It was a good thing his members were so easy to bribe. A pizza or two and they’d all forget about their unfair leader yelling at them.   
The plan worked flawlessly. He’d told them that he was just sleep deprived, and they seemed to buy it. After eating every last piece of food, they all went to bed, joking and messing about like usual. Only Hyunsik remained behind and, when the others were out of earshot, whispered to Eunkwang: “If you need to talk about it, just let me know.” And then he went into the bedroom too, smiling and wrestling Sungjae out of his bed. Eunkwang was left standing in the doorway, looking at his members as they all giggled and teased each other with loving affection. He couldn’t help but feel love at a sight like that. He truly was blessed, having such silly dongsaengs to care for. As he went to bed that evening, he swore that he wouldn’t let his personal problems affect them anymore.

Early next morning, as they were about to leave for their first schedule, Eunkwang’s phone rang. It was Suga.   
“Let’s meet up tonight. I’m sorry that it’s a bit last minute, but I did promise I’d make the time, and now they’ve decided that we’re leaving earlier than planned, tomorrow already, so it sort of has to be today”, Suga said hurriedly.   
“I understand”, Eunkwang said, trying to act calm.   
“So can you make it? It’d have to be in the studio”, said Suga, and to Eunkwang’s surprise he actually sounded quite nervous. He was obviously expecting Eunkwang to complain about either the time or the location. But Eunkwang had decided to play the perfect boyfriend these last few days he had with Suga. He wouldn’t give Suga any reason to pin the breakup on him. If Suga wanted to leave, he’d have to do it the only proper way, by telling Eunkwang to his face and seeing the destruction he was reaping first hand. Eunkwang wasn’t going to let him off the hook until he’d told him everything. He needed to know the truth if he was ever going to have some kind of peace of mind.   
And so he calmly agreed to the place and time, and they hung up, both of them too busy and nervous to make the conversation any longer than absolutely necessary.   
Eunkwang went about his day, trying to act as normal as possible. And he thought it was working, until they got a short bathroom break and he ended up collapsing on the bathroom floor. That had _not_ been part of the plan. As the minutes kept going by, he struggled hard to get back on his feet and wipe the tears away, but they kept welling up and his knees kept buckling. Finally he managed to make it outside, and one worried glance from the members was enough to set him back on track. The same thing happened at lunch though, and after that eating seemed impossible anyway, so he just went outside and waited in the empty car. Soon after, Ilhoon knocked on the window:   
“Hyung, are you alright?” he said carefully as he got into the backseat next to Eunkwang. And with those words it became too much for Eunkwang to bear. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He started crying, his shoulders shaking with it, and his face turning into a grimace of pain as tears and snot ran down his face and into his hands. Ilhoon stared at him for a second in complete shock before he snapped out of it and came close to put his arms around Eunkwang.   
“Hyung, what’s going on?” he said while patting Eunkwang’s shoulder carefully. Eunkwang didn’t know what to say, so he just kept crying.   
Soon the doors to the car opened and the rest of the members poured in. Seeing Eunkwang’s face they all did their best not to stare, but it was difficult not to look, seeing him so broken and vulnerable. Changsub, being the last to enter, locked the door behind him and turned to Eunkwang:   
“Hyung, it’s time you tell us what’s really going on. You’ve been upset for a long time now. We’re not blind you know. We just want to help. Trust us!”   
“Of course I trust you”, Eunkwang spluttered out through tears and snot, looking up at his members. “I just don’t want you to have to worry about me. You have enough going on as it is.”   
“Yeah, because like this we clearly don’t have to worry at all”, Changsub said ironically, and smiled at Eunkwang.   
“You weren’t supposed to notice”, Eunkwang mumbled, a little embarrassed now.   
“Like Changsub said, we’re not blind you know”, Minhyuk filled in. “We know you pretty well, and we do realize when you’re upset. It’s fine if you don’t want to tell us why, but don’t think you can hide it from us.”   
“You know you’re not such a good actor”, Sungjae said with a smile. “Hyung, you must think we’re really stupid. It’s better if you just tell us. Maybe we can help you.”   
Eunkwang felt like an idiot. Had he expected them not to notice? Really? Maybe his wishful thinking had just been that strong. He didn’t want them to have to carry his burdens. It was enough for him to have to carry them. No need to bring the rest of them down too.   
“We’re members right?” said Peniel. “Isn’t that what you told me that members are? When I first came here, you told me that members are there to support each other and help each other out. It’s easier to share and work together.”   
“But this isn’t about work”, Eunkwang mumbled.   
“Doesn’t matter!” Ilhoon said. “We share everything else. You always try to be so strong and cheer us up all the time. But hyung, you’re our member too. We want to help cheer you up as well. You don’t have to be happy all the time!”   
Then Eunkwang couldn’t help but start crying again. More sadness poured out and mixed with happy gratefulness, as the members patted his back and teased him about looking too ugly when he was crying. Finally he managed to calm down enough to tell them what was bothering him:   
“It’s about Suga. I think he might have met someone new. He wants to see me tonight, and I think it’ll be the last time. I think he’s breaking up with me”, he managed to tell them between breaths.   
“What!!”, “That’s insane!”, “He wouldn’t do that!” and similar answers came out of all of their mouths, followed by some offering to beat Suga up if it was true, and others telling him he was being crazy. Somehow it cheered Eunkwang up a little. He wasn’t being an idiot for feeling this way after all. If Suga did leave him, it really would be a big deal, and he wouldn’t be an idiot for not having seen it coming before. It seemed equally unlikely to all of them. Of course they didn’t know about the dancer, the new song, the party, the drunk dial and the weird behavior spanning over weeks and weeks before that. But still it was reassuring to know that when he came home after that night’s last date they’d all be there to meet him, and if he cried and was devastated they’d understand and have his back. It gave him strength, which he knew he’d need if he’d ever be able to face Suga that evening. And so with his members’ help, he managed to calm down, get his makeup redone and finish that day’s work without a hitch.

As evening came, his stomach started buzzing more and more in a very uncomfortable way. Sure it was nice to have people to talk to about it, but in the end he’d have to actually go there and face Suga alone. And it was terrifying him. He knew he’d have to do it. It was the only way to know for sure. And so despite not wanting to, he forced himself out the door, waving goodbye to the members, as all of them wished him good luck and promised they’d be there when he came back. He went to the studio, heart pounding all the way up his throat. He was happy he hadn’t managed to eat any lunch. If he had he was pretty sure it would’ve been on the floor by now. This was so dumb and horrible. Suga was supposed to be the one that loved him; the one to make him happy, make him feel safe and cheer him up. Instead he’d become the monster out to hurt him and eat him; like going into a torture chamber or a lion’s den. Wonderful, pretty Suga, with the smile that could make angels sing. Brave, strong Suga, with enough manly conviction to make Eunkwang and thousands of fans sizzle inside. Memories of their time together flashed before Eunkwang’s eyes as he knocked on the door to the studio. It slowly opened and a nervous-looking Suga peered outside.   
“You’re here!” he said smiling awkwardly. “Come inside, please”, he added, stepping aside to let Eunkwang enter the room.   
When Eunkwang entered, he couldn’t help but stare in wide-mouthed surprise. The room was full of balloons in various shapes and sizes, mostly pink and red hearts, and there were even some flowers standing in a vase on the table. He’d never seen the room looking so crowded and bright before.   
“I wanted to give that romance thing a try”, Suga said with an embarrassed expression. “But maybe I took it too far.”   
Was this to make up for the affair? Eunkwang hated himself for thinking it, but he couldn’t help it. During their two years together, Suga had never done anything this cheesy before. The tears stung Eunkwang’s eyes as he realized the affair really had ruined everything. There was no trust left. He couldn’t even enjoy this wonderful gesture that Suga had made for him. Better to just get it out in the open before it got even worse.   
“I know about Japan”, Eunkwang said sadly and ventured a look at Suga. He looked very confused for a second before he seemed to understand something.   
“You heard about the song? Did someone tell you? It was V wasn’t it?” Suga sighed and shook his head in disappointment. “It’s my fault. I should have told him that he wasn’t supposed to tell you. I didn’t think he’d go and ruin the surprise like this.”   
Now it was Eunkwang’s turn to look confused. Suga didn’t seem very upset at all. And what did he mean with surprise? Suga wasn’t cruel. He wouldn’t make a joke out of it.   
“I meant the dancer”, Eunkwang said, feeling like he needed to clarify some things.   
“The dancer?” Suga said, thinking hard for a second before he remembered: “You mean the one that challenged Rapmon to a dance off at the party?”   
Dance off? Eunkwang had no idea what they were talking about anymore. Clearly he must have misunderstood something.   
“Who was with you in your room when the others were partying?” he said a little more pointedly. “And what was the mistake that you wanted to apologize for on the phone?”   
Suga blushed for a second. “How much did V actually tell you about this?” he mumbled, almost more to himself before he answered properly. “The manager and some of the other staff helped me with the last preparations of the song. I’m sorry. I’m just not very good and expressing myself like that. I needed someone to listen to it so I knew it didn’t sound stupid. And the thing on the phone… I was drunk and… you know how awful I’ve been lately. I didn’t think I’d have to explain that part, but if you want to I can.” He took a deep breath and continued, now looking this way and that, clearly having a hard time meeting Eunkwang’s eyes.   
“I’ve been working way too much, and I’ve been so overambitious, taking on more than I should. It nearly drove me crazy by the end. I became so distant and self-centered. I know I’ve been a bad boyfriend. I’m sorry. I just wanted to… make you proud… of me”, as he mumbled the last words, Suga seemed to slump together, as if trying to disappear into thin air. “But I realized I was wrong. When you told me things were bad. I hadn’t noticed. I know it sounds bad, but it’s true. You brought me out of it. I felt so bad about it then; because you were right. We didn’t spend any time together. I was so content just having you around, and I didn’t think about how we didn’t actually do anything together. You just had to sit there. And wait for me, all the time. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t good. I didn’t really like it either; I was just so stressed out. I didn’t have time to stop and think about it. I’m so sorry.” He looked up at Eunkwang then, with sincerity like he actually felt terrible about it. Eunkwang didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. That was it? That was the mistake? Working too much? He had to ask.   
“So you didn’t cheat on me?” he said, and was surprised at how tiny his voice sounded.   
“What?!” Suga looked at him in utter horror. “Where’d you get that idea?” And then when he saw Eunkwang still looking at him, realizing he hadn’t actually answered the question: “NO! Of course not!”   
That was enough for Eunkwang. He relaxed properly for the first time in weeks, and as he did so, the tears started pouring out again and he gasped for air. He sank down into the nearest chair, leaning his head back, and laughed and cried in a crazy mix of emotions. At first Suga just stared at him in panic. Then he sat down next to him and grabbed him, tilting him over to lean on Suga’s shoulder. Eunkwang just kept crying and held on to Suga, as the sobbing became wilder and wilder. Suga took it all, holding on to him without saying a word. It took quite a while for Eunkwang to calm down, and once he did his body felt lighter and heavier at the same time. He didn’t have anything weighing him down anymore, but he was completely exhausted. He hadn’t eaten or slept properly for several days, and it was only now that he noticed how tired that’d made him.   
As he carefully sat up, Suga looked at him with a serious face. Now Eunkwang felt bad. He had suspected Suga of such an awful thing without any kind of proof. It all seemed so dumb now, so circumstantial.   
“I’m sorry I panicked like that”, he said slowly.   
“You shouldn’t apologize”, Suga said. “I treated you badly. It’s not strange you’d think like that. But I want you to know, I’d never do that! Never!” He looked straight into Eunkwang’s eyes as he said it, and Eunkwang realized he was sure Suga was telling the truth. Seemed the trust hadn’t been broken after all, just temporarily misplaced.   
“I know”, he answered softly, and that seemed to make Suga relax too. They sat like that just looking at each other for a while, until finally Eunkwang couldn’t take the silence anymore.   
“So, you wrote a new song?” he said, trying to sound as cheerful as he felt, despite the crazy tiredness that was weighing him down.   
“Yeah, I wanted to make you one that expressed how I felt”, Suga said, and now he seemed embarrassed again. “I don’t know if it’s any good. I can’t express emotions as well as you can. But I tried, and this is what I came up with.”   
Suga stepped over to the computer and turned on the song. Just like V had said the title _Going from empty_ scrolled across the screen. A pretty melody spread its way through the room. Someone was singing, it sounded like Jimin? And then Suga was rapping. It was all so nice and warm, such a lovely feeling to it, so vulnerable and honest. Eunkwang did his best to follow with the lyrics. They flowed nicely with the sounds of the music, and soon Eunkwang heard the part that had made V so impressed. _That beautiful someone, turning my head, chased away the monsters, from under my bed. Starting with nothing, and then blooming with you, it’s hard not to notice, the flower you made me into._   
It really was about falling in love, but it was about so much more than that. Eunkwang felt his head spinning with all these compliments. It was too much happiness to take in. _That beautiful someone_ , was that supposed to be him?   
Once the song had finished, Suga just sat around waiting nervously for a reaction. Eunkwang felt like the only decent thing was to quickly put him out of his misery. It must have been so difficult for him, writing this song. Just the simple things were difficult for Suga, like saying “I miss you” or “You make me happy”. He must have been cringing so much, recording this. No wonder he hadn’t let anyone near it until the very last minute. And no wonder he’d been so secretive lately. Things were beginning to add up again, and Eunkwang felt ecstatic to have his boyfriend back. Not only that, but have him work this hard to show his love; it was simply amazing. Still Eunkwang knew better than to push it. It was time for him to go back to being the one to embarrass himself. He smiled and leaned over to kiss Suga on the mouth. Happily Suga kissed back, clearly relieved that he didn’t need to talk any more about the song. They kept kissing, until Eunkwang broke away and looked at Suga with twinkling eyes.   
“Yoongi~!” he said with his worst aegyo voice. “Honey~! I’m so happy you missed me when you were away!”   
“Of course I did”, Suga muttered back. So he was still a bit too afraid to bite back. That meant Eunkwang might get away with milking this some more.   
“You really think I’m beautiful?” he said, twisting his body and showing big eyes in an attempt to look cute. Suga was starting to look annoyed now, and Eunkwang felt like he might have overstepped the line. “Don’t worry, I won’t take it to heart”, he teased. “I’ve been called ugly enough times for it to even out, barely.” He winked, but now Suga looked even more upset.   
“Of course I don’t find you ugly!” he spat out. “You think I’d date you if I did? You don’t think I have standards? If I say you’re beautiful that means you’re beautiful okay? Just don’t expect me to ever say it again.”   
Eunkwang just stared at him with wide eyes. Did that just happen? Had he dreamt it?   
“What are you staring at? You’re freaking me out!” Suga said, looking at him in disgust. “Don’t get any ideas okay? Just because you’re good-looking doesn’t mean you’ll be able to find a boyfriend better than me. So don’t even think about it okay?”   
“Oh I won’t!” said Eunkwang seriously. “Although, you might have to remind me from time to time. Now that I’m good-looking, I might get ideas after all. Grass is greener on the other side and all that. You might have to give me more compliments. Tell me how beautiful I am. Tell me Yoongi~, tell me.”   
Suga just gave him a light shove and went away to sit in the sofa on the other side of the small room. Eunkwang followed and sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around him.   
“Tell me pretty Yoongi-ah~ Am I as beautiful as you?” Eunkwang teased. Suga just laughed and pushed at him again.   
“Well, it’s all for the best I guess”, Eunkwang continued in fake seriousness. “Pink, flowing dresses has never been my thing. I guess I’m just too manly…” before Eunkwang had time to finish his sentence, Suga kissed him to stop him from talking. It was nice to see that Suga was finally back. Eunkwang knew that kiss well. It meant, I love you, but if you don’t shut up soon I will start hitting you.   
Although, it might be worth a few punches…


End file.
